it all started wen i was 6 yrs old. while i was playing outside on my farm in California, i met a boy. he was an average kind of boy who teased u and then u chased him and beat him. after that first meeting in which i beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. that only lasted for a while though.we would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. i would tell him all my secrets. he was quite very quiet he would just listen to what i had to say.i found him easy to talk to and i could talk to him about everything.in school, we had seperate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school.
one day i said to him that a guy i like hurt me and broke my heart. he juz comforted me and said everything would be okey. he gave me words of encouragement and help me get over him. i was happy and thought of him as a real friend.but i knew that there was something else about him that i liked. i thought of it that night and figured it was just a frend kind of thing that was feeling.all though high school and even through graduation we were always together and of course i thought of it as being friends. but i knew deep inside that i really felt differently. on graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom i wanted to be with him. that night after everybody went home i went to his house and i wanted to tell him that i wanted to see him. well that night was my big chance and all i did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what his dream was. how he wanted to get married and settle down. he said how he wanted to be rich and successful. all i could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. i went home hurt because i didnt tell him how i was feeling. i wanted to tell him so bad that i loved him but i was too scared and frightened. i let my feelings go and tols myself that someday i would tell him hust how i felt.all through college i wanted to tell him but he always had some1 with him. after graduation, he got a job in New York i was happy for him but at the same time i was sad to see him go. i was sad also because i didnt tell him how i felt.. but i couldnt help him know now that he was leaving for his big job.so i just kip it to myself and watched him go on the plane. i cried as i hugged him for what i felt was going to be last time. i went home that night and cried my eyes out. i felt that i didnt tell him wht i had inside my heart. well, i got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to computer analyst. i was proud of wht i had accomplished.one day i got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. it was from him. i was happy but at the sme time sad. now i know that i could never be with him and that we could only be friends. i went to the wedding the next month.it was a big occasion. the big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. i met the bride and of course him. i fell in love one more time. but i held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. i tried to hve fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness and tears inside of me. i left for new york feeling that i did the right thing. before i left on the flight, he came running out nowhere and said gis goodbyes and how he was very happy to see me. i came home and just tried to forget about what went on in new york. i had to go on with my life.as the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. on one occasion, he never wrote back to me at all. i was getting worried as to why he hadnt written anything for a long time after i had already written 6 letters to him.well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, i got note that said "meet me at the fence, we used to talk about things." i went and saw him there. i was happy to see him, but he was broken hearted and sad inside. we hugged until we couldnt breathe anymore. then he told me about the divorce and why he hadnt written for a long time. he cried until he couldnt cry anymore. finally, we went back to the hauz and talked and laughed about what i had been going and to catch up on old times. but in all this i couldnt tell him how i felt about him. in the days that follwed he had fun and forgot bout all his problems and his divorce.i fell in love again with him. when the time came for him to leave back to new york, i went to see him off and cried. i hated to see him leave. he promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. i couldnt wait for himto come so i could be with him. we would owez have fun when we were together.one day he didnt show up like he said he would. i figured that he might have been busy. the days turned into months and o kust dont care about it. then i got a call one day from the lawyer in new york. the lwyaer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. adn that it took this long till everything was settled. it broke my heart.i was shocked about what took place. now i knew why he didnt come that day. again, i was broken hearted. i cried that night. cried tears of sadness and heartache asking questions why did this happen to a kind of guy like him. i gathered my things and went to new york for the reading of his will. of course, things were given to his family and ex wife. i finally got to meet her since last time we met at the wedding. she explained to me how he has and how he always provided. but he was unhappy. she would always try everything but she cpuldnt get him happy, as he was that right at their wedding. when the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. it was a diary of his life. i cried as it was given to me. i didnt know wht to think Why was this given to me? i took it and flew back to california.as i flew on the plane i remembered the good times that we had together. i started reading the diary and waht was written. the diary was started the day we first met, i read on till i started to cry. the diary told him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day i was broken hearted. but he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. that is why he was so quiet and to listen to me. it told of how he wanted to tell me so many times but was too afriad to say anything. it told of when he went to new york and fell in love with another. hw the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. he said he imagined it was our wedding. how he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. how the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me.finally, the diary ended when it said "today i will tell her i love her"it was the day he was killed. the day i was going finally find out what was really in his heart.
"the essential sadness is to go through life without loving. but it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved you love them"
I open my eyes, only to see 
